The real message that underlies New Year's resolutions is: 'What are you doing to do to fix yourself? (Even though you should have done it [insert number] decades ago, you lazy [insert your self berating word of choice].)
Not nice is it?
This year will be different, (oh dear, here we go again)...
Don't get me wrong, reflection and self development are good things but most adults know from experience, (and scientific studies), that grand sweeping plans are futile. I could go into why, but that would be another post.
So how should we develop if resolutions aren't the way? And, shouldn't I just be suggesting that we change the nature of these resolutions to make them more sensible and practical?
The thing is, I don't know many people who aren't concerned about self improvement on a pretty regular basis. Yes, we don't think about it all the time, life has other distractions, but I don't think people give themselves enough credit for how often and how much they do challenge and tweak their habits.
Life has a way of holding us to account and asking questions of us regularly. Work appraisals, unexpected financial demands, (yes, I'm thinking of the person that just hit my parked car and drove off), life cycle moments when we reflect on our relationships. We deal with so much!
Fantasizing might be fun, and even inspirational, but what does not help is when we fool ourselves into thinking that the fantasy should be reality. We have way more emotional intelligence than that.
So how should we reflect? How about New Year's appreciations? How about reminding ourselves of all the brilliant ways we've helped ourselves the past year? If lists are your thing, how about making a list of positive habits you have already, which are helping you achieve your goals? Sometimes, we forget about things that work for us, like a favourite lipstick or film or board game which is languishing at the back of a drawer. We need reminding, not re-growing. We don't need to start from scratch, we need to enjoy all the hard work we've put in over the years and allow things to develop naturally.
Happy New Year. I wish us well navigating through the wealth of emotions we are blessed with and hope we notice the joy as much as possible.
Not nice is it?
This year will be different, (oh dear, here we go again)...
Don't get me wrong, reflection and self development are good things but most adults know from experience, (and scientific studies), that grand sweeping plans are futile. I could go into why, but that would be another post.
So how should we develop if resolutions aren't the way? And, shouldn't I just be suggesting that we change the nature of these resolutions to make them more sensible and practical?
The thing is, I don't know many people who aren't concerned about self improvement on a pretty regular basis. Yes, we don't think about it all the time, life has other distractions, but I don't think people give themselves enough credit for how often and how much they do challenge and tweak their habits.
Life has a way of holding us to account and asking questions of us regularly. Work appraisals, unexpected financial demands, (yes, I'm thinking of the person that just hit my parked car and drove off), life cycle moments when we reflect on our relationships. We deal with so much!
Fantasizing might be fun, and even inspirational, but what does not help is when we fool ourselves into thinking that the fantasy should be reality. We have way more emotional intelligence than that.
So how should we reflect? How about New Year's appreciations? How about reminding ourselves of all the brilliant ways we've helped ourselves the past year? If lists are your thing, how about making a list of positive habits you have already, which are helping you achieve your goals? Sometimes, we forget about things that work for us, like a favourite lipstick or film or board game which is languishing at the back of a drawer. We need reminding, not re-growing. We don't need to start from scratch, we need to enjoy all the hard work we've put in over the years and allow things to develop naturally.
Happy New Year. I wish us well navigating through the wealth of emotions we are blessed with and hope we notice the joy as much as possible.
