My favourite time of the holidays is, oddly, the few days before I go back to work.
Preferably, I will have just come back from somewhere. It doesn't matter where. It could be a traditionally relaxing place where there's nothing to do or an inspiring conference. The point is, I will have gotten away. Away from the chores I couldn't face while at work. Away from my wonderful, loving friends and family. (Even meeting up with people I love feels like pressure when life's so busy they have to be scheduled in. Another blog post right there.) And away from most of my stuff.
The getting away, even the being away part, is not my favourite. I look forward to it and even enjoy it, but it's not the best and here are some of the reasons why:
I don't get away from my expectations, of myself or anything else. Meditation, experience and reflection means I can negate this to some extent, but it's exhausting.
I usually get 'Teacher's Lurgy'. If you're not familiar with this, it's when you suddenly stop dealing with 500 things/ second, the adrenaline you've been running on during school time leaves you like a fickle lover, and your immune system is suddenly heard sobbing uncontrollably in the background, just waiting for the next passing virus to offer it some attention and interaction.
I feel I have to be permanently useful. Even though my exploration of life, the universe and everything has taught me I don't need to be, I have problems disentangling myself from this unhelpful, ingrained imperative.
So why is it so important that I go away? Because I enjoy coming back. The life I have built is challenging and exhausting but it's also wonderful, fulfilling and mine. Two, or even five weeks is not enough to help me to properly let go, (I find about three months needs to be set aside for that!), but even two days is enough to gain perspective and appreciation. Unfortunately, this sense of peace and togetherness doesn't last long, but I enjoy it while it does. And the brilliant thing? I know that it will reverberate through the weeks ahead, shining through the cracks, and that will keep me going till next time.
Preferably, I will have just come back from somewhere. It doesn't matter where. It could be a traditionally relaxing place where there's nothing to do or an inspiring conference. The point is, I will have gotten away. Away from the chores I couldn't face while at work. Away from my wonderful, loving friends and family. (Even meeting up with people I love feels like pressure when life's so busy they have to be scheduled in. Another blog post right there.) And away from most of my stuff.
The getting away, even the being away part, is not my favourite. I look forward to it and even enjoy it, but it's not the best and here are some of the reasons why:
I don't get away from my expectations, of myself or anything else. Meditation, experience and reflection means I can negate this to some extent, but it's exhausting.
I usually get 'Teacher's Lurgy'. If you're not familiar with this, it's when you suddenly stop dealing with 500 things/ second, the adrenaline you've been running on during school time leaves you like a fickle lover, and your immune system is suddenly heard sobbing uncontrollably in the background, just waiting for the next passing virus to offer it some attention and interaction.
I feel I have to be permanently useful. Even though my exploration of life, the universe and everything has taught me I don't need to be, I have problems disentangling myself from this unhelpful, ingrained imperative.
So why is it so important that I go away? Because I enjoy coming back. The life I have built is challenging and exhausting but it's also wonderful, fulfilling and mine. Two, or even five weeks is not enough to help me to properly let go, (I find about three months needs to be set aside for that!), but even two days is enough to gain perspective and appreciation. Unfortunately, this sense of peace and togetherness doesn't last long, but I enjoy it while it does. And the brilliant thing? I know that it will reverberate through the weeks ahead, shining through the cracks, and that will keep me going till next time.
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